Turning 50

I turned 50 today. I arrived, quite possibly unprepared. But I write this having found myself, after a decades long search.

While unprepared, I arrive wiser. Learning that you don’t become yourself, you return to yourself.

When I was young, I was curious and a dreamer. I had fun without needing a reason. Somewhere along the way, I learned to perform. I learned to be practical. I learned to chase approval instead of truth and outcomes instead of experiences.

It took me a long time to realize I didn’t need to find who I was, or where I fit in. I needed to come back to who I always have been.

If you ever feel lost, unsure, or unrecognizable, don’t panic. Instead, go back. Find the child you were before the world got loud and set expectations.

This birthday looks different than I once imagined. No partner. No children. A smaller circle. A quiet celebration. And yet, everything around me feels more honest and real.

The truth it, the last few years have reshaped my life in ways I would never choose. But they also reshaped me in ways I’d never trade.

Perhaps 50 marks a halfway point. At least I hope so. But I do know this, I am myself more than I have ever been. And that feels like the real milestone.

If I’m honest, I already know how fortunate I am. I’ve had incredible experiences, luck, love, and breaks in my life. I know I can keep being a better version of myself.

And maybe that’s the point.

Not that I’ve arrived. Not that I have it figured out. But that at 50, I’m still becoming. Still the dreamer I was as a child. Still pushing deeper into who I am. Still curious about what’s next.

What matters most now is using my time wisely, being present, and letting out my creativity so I have no regrets.

I want the next decade to feel full. Full of things I experience, create, and the love I give.

To celebrate, here is what I wish I’d known earlier…

1. Life will be over before you know it, so don’t waste a second.
2. The path back to yourself is always available, no matter how far you wander.
3. You don’t need permission to be yourself.
4. If you spend your life trying to make others comfortable, you will slowly disappear.
5. Clarity is not something you arrive at, but something you return to.
6. There is no perfect time to begin living the life you want.
7. Presence creates better memories than photos or souvenirs.
8. Opportunities come to pass, not pause. So, say yes often.
9. I am best when I stop performing and start being.
10. Curiosity is a damn good compass.
11. Decisiveness isn’t the absence of doubt, it’s trusting yourself despite it.
12. Trust your values more than your certainty.
13. What you give to the world shapes what comes back to you.
14. You don’t need a crowd to celebrate or be celebrated.
15. Love big, but know the difference between loving someone and losing yourself.
16. A guarded heart keeps pain out, but it also keeps love away.
17. Love expressed freely is more important than love returned.
18. Love given in hard seasons is remembered forever.
19. Choose your people carefully. A smaller circle often means a truer one.
20. You are responsible for your boundaries, even when you’re the one who crosses them.
21. Intimacy is an environment you create, not an event you attend.
22. You can hold both anger and love & grief and gratitude.
23. Healing makes you softer and stronger at the same time.
24. Strength is not the ability to bury pain, but the courage to feel it.
25. Consistency matters more than perfection. Show up. Show up again. You’ll improve with each session.
26. Curiosity opens more doors than being right ever could.
27. Life rarely unfolds in the order you expect, but it still unfolds meaningfully.
28. You don’t realize how much you’re growing until you look back.
29. You will make mistakes, and that’s OK. It’s necessary. The mistakes I made were reminders, sometimes shocking ones, that I strayed too far from my truth.
30. Mistakes may define a moment, but don’t let them define you.
31. Don’t finish learning, but refine how you learn.
32. The discomfort you feel is often the space between who you were and who you’re becoming.
33. Loss clears space for what truly fits.
34. You can’t expect someone who is lost to find their way home.
35. When people show you who they are, believe them.
36. Healing accelerates when you stop waiting for someone else to fix it.
37. Seek coherence, not correctness.
38. Experience accumulates, essence abides.
39. Perspective is earned through experience, not granted by age.
40. Recognition for your talent feels different when you’ve already learned who you are.
41. Work hard, but know your worth isn’t tied up in your work. You are more than what you produce. You are more than what you achieve.
42. Leadership is going first, so others don’t have to go alone.
43. Waiting is often disguised as preparation.
44. Legacy is built in small, daily acts of love and intention.
45. Recognition is fleeting. Character is permanent.
46. The work I’m proudest of gave more than it took.
47. Impact does not require volume.
48. Take care of your body. It’s not betraying you as you age. It’s simply reflecting your choices.
49. The universe is studying itself through you.
50. Wisdom isn’t having answers. It’s staying curious long enough to ask better questions.